note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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