I accidentally burped into my bong.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
