Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
