ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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