this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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