If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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