I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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