just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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