I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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