just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
