well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't think brook has ever known best
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
