I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
