And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
