Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
