Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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