Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
