I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
