I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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