Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
