i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
