I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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