yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
