She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
