I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
