i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
