I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
