so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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