is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
