i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
