I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
