a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
