so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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