did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
