i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
