And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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