How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
