There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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