Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
