Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
