Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
