Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
