you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he fucked my hip out of place.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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