I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
