First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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