Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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