just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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