He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
