Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
