I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
