I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
