There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
