So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
