found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
