its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
