Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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