my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
