How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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